You’re Not Your Behavior: Read Before Deciding Your Enneagram Type

How to find your true Enneagram number by looking at your core motivation (and a story about two friends at the hospital)

Have you ever wondered why two people can do the exact same thing, but feel totally different while doing it?

That question is at the heart of the Enneagram.

This post is all about understanding why we do what we do. You’ll hear a real-life story (shout out to Kathy from Canada!) that beautifully illustrates how core motivations — not just outward behaviors — reveal your true Enneagram type. And how knowing that motivation can “shush!” the negative self-talk that (let’s be honest) often creeps in when you compare yourself to others.

Plus, if you've ever felt unsure about your type or confused by overlapping traits with others, I’ll walk you through how to untangle that by giving an overview of each type’s core motivation!

The Hospital Story

Kathy’s dear friend had been in an accident. Thankfully, it wasn’t fatal, but she faced a long hospital recovery. So, Kathy and another close friend did what good friends do: they showed up. They sat by her bedside, offered company and encouragement, and promised to visit again soon.

But beneath that shared act of kindness were two entirely different emotional landscapes.

The other visitor friend was a Type Two on the Enneagram: The “Helper.” From the second she heard the news, her heart ached to be at the hospital. When she finally got there, it felt like a homecoming.

“This is exactly where I’m meant to be,” she thought. “Right beside my injured friend, just in case she asks for anything. Here, I am needed.”

But Kathy?

Kathy is a Type Three: The “Achiever.” And she felt… the exact opposite.

Hospitals? Not her scene. The antiseptic smell, the mechanical beeping, the heaviness of it all… every part of it grated against her. She would have rather been anywhere else. But still, she showed up.

Why?

Yes, the environment was uncomfortable. But Kathy’s values called her to be the kind of person who stands beside the people she loves, even when it’s hard… even when hospitals give her the heebie-jeebies. (Same, girl.)

Same action. Different motivation.

And that is the heartbeat of the Enneagram.

It’s not just about what you do; it’s about why you do it.

Why Motivations Matter

You might be wondering, “If they both showed up and did the right thing, why does the ‘why’ even matter?”

Fair question.

But here’s the issue: if you only look at behavior, you’ll miss the richness of what’s going on beneath the surface. Worse, you might start to believe something untrue about yourself. (This is what worries me the most, honestly!)

For example, Kathy could’ve easily walked away thinking, “Wow, I must be a bad friend. I didn’t want to be there the way our other friend did.” But that’s not the truth.

There was love on both sides. 💜

One friend fulfilled her desire to help in a hands-on, heart-forward way. The other pushed through discomfort because she deeply values her friendships.

Both actions came from love, but the motivations were different.

That’s why the Enneagram doesn’t type you by behavior. It types you by core motivation.

It’s why, for instance, Twos and Nines are so often mistyped! Because they may both appear helpful and self-sacrificing on the outside, but they’re coming from different places internally. If you’re only looking at the surface, you’ll get your type wrong… and miss the real opportunity for growth.

So, Why Do You Do What You Do?

This is the question that the Enneagram invites us to sit with. Not just once, but often.

• Are you helping because you want to feel needed?

• Are you achieving because success gives you worth?

• Are you withdrawing because calm is more important to you than honesty?

Behavior may be what the world sees, but motivation is what shapes your inner world.

So the next time you find yourself comparing your response to someone else’s, especially when it looks like they’re “more caring” or “more capable”…

Pause and ask: What’s my why?

The Core Motivations of the Enneagram Types

This is where core motivations come in. Each Enneagram type is shaped by a core fear, desire, and weakness (basically, the thing you struggle with the most). Together, these form the lens through which you see the world, and they’re the BEST way to understand your personal why.

But a lil’ warning before we dive in: reading through these can feel vulnerable. If you get to a description that makes you squirm and think, “Yikes, that sounds like the worst number on the Enneagram,” there’s a good chance… that’s your type.

Here’s the thing, though: there is no worst number. Every type has strengths and struggles. The ones that make you cringe usually just hit close to home. And while that discomfort isn’t always fun, it’s part of what makes the Enneagram so powerful. It shows us where we have room to grow — and how we can better understand ourselves and each other.

And really, isn’t that why we’re here? That, and to geek out about the Enneagram together, obviously. 😜

So here’s the breakdown of what those motivations are for each of the nine types:

Enneagram One Core Motivations

Core Desire: Living with integrity and adhering to internal standards

Core Fear: Being wrong, inappropriate, or corruptible

Core Weakness: Resentment — repressing feelings and not expressing anger, leading to frustration with the self and others.

Enneagram Two Core Motivations

Core Desire: Being appreciated, loved, and wanted

Core Fear: Being rejected and unwanted

Core Weakness: Pride — ignoring personal needs and charging forward; believing that they alone can fix everyone else’s problems

Enneagram Three Core Motivations

Core Desire: Being admired, successful, and valuable

Core Fear: Failing at their goals and being seen as worthless and unsuccessful

Core Weakness: Deceit — deceiving themselves into believing their intrinsic worth is based on their accomplishments

Enneagram Four Core Motivations

Core Desire: Being unique, special, and finding their authentic selves

Core Fear: Dying without having made an impact on the world; Not being special or unique

Core Weakness: Envy — feeling like they’re missing a foundational and special quality that others seem to possess

Enneagram Five Core Motivations

Core Desire: Being knowledgeable, capable, and competent

Core Fear: Being useless and incapable, unable to meet expectations because of ignorance

Core Weakness: Avarice — hoarding inner resources (energy, personal information, and emotions) because they feel like too much interaction with others will lead to a disastrous depletion of self.

Enneagram Six Core Motivations

Core Desire: Having security, guidance, and support

Core Fear: Losing support and stability, be it financial, emotional, or relational

Core Weakness: Anxiety — worrying about the past, present, and future; constantly anticipating worst-case scenarios

Enneagram Seven Core Motivations

Core Desire: Being happy, fully satisfied, and content

Core Fear: Being deprived and not making the most out of their time on earth

Core Weakness: Gluttony — constantly seeking to be fulfilled by the next experience or stimulation.

Enneagram Eight Core Motivations

Core Desire: Protecting yourself and your loved ones

Core Fear: Being weak, powerless, or manipulated

Core Weakness: Excess/Lust — constantly desiring intensity, control, and power; steamrolling others to get what they want

Enneagram Nine Core Motivations

Core Desire: Having inner stability and peace of mind

Core Fear: Being in conflict; losing connection with others; being ignored

Core Weakness: Complacency — falling asleep to inner passions and desires to keep the peace; refusing to acknowledge anger